Category Archives: goddesses.

Brigid doll

It was Brigid day on 1st of February. In my culture it’s Candlemas. Not with that name exactly, but it has its own traditions and truths that we follow. But this year I felt the need to do something for Brigid, too.

In Wikipedia, it is said about Brigid that she was “a woman of poetry, and poets worshipped her, for her sway was very great and very noble. And she was a woman of healing along with that, and a woman of smith’s work, and it was she first made the whistle for calling one to another through the night. And the one side of her face was ugly, but the other side was very comely. And the meaning of her name was Breo-saighit, a fiery arrow.”

As a Goddess or Saint, I have very fond relations with her. She has always been a positive representation to me and thus, even though I don’t celebrate it fully, I still keep her in mind and try to light a candle for her honor. This year I had something special planned, which unfortunately I wasn’t able to fulfill. I wanted to make a bed for Brigid. But I didn’t have a doll nor wheat or anything to make the doll from. So what can you do?

Brigid dollTo start with I looked around and found that my bead chest was spilling over. I have a small box, where I put together all the beads that are left over from projects. I remembered soul dolls I had seen some time back, made of leather and beads, dressed up. I started the doll about a month before. I was swamped with daily life, so I knew my timing was late for a holiday, but I pushed myself to at least finish the doll in time. And I did, with 5 minutes to spare.

So here she is – my Brigid doll. Took me 2 weeks of constant work, but it is ready now. It is heavy, weights nearly 70 grams duo all the beads in it. I know she looks odd and little eerie even, but I wanted to do something unique. Now I have time to make her bed for next year and clothes to dress her up. The coolest thing – she can stand up! Except she doesn’t hold her head up, thanks to a flat neck.

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Goddess as symbol for feminism

In spite of November being my ultimate writing month, I’ve still managed to find myself reading religious books as well. I’ve just done my third exam in Magicka School and passed this one with 100%, which I’m very happy for. But besides texts related with Magicka,  I’ve taken a deeper interest in Goddess worshiping books, too. By this I mean historic and anthropological books.

 Marija Gimbutas is one of the leading ladies amongst USA archeologist, who has deeply reconstructed goddess-centered cultures predating patriarchal cultures in pre-historic times. Her main interest was my area of Europe, so of course I read her works from both for my religious base and for history studies, taking it with gram of salt. Her theories still need proving or disproving, but like most things in anthropology – go figure? Evidence like seems to be there, yet what it really was about back then – no one knows for sure. She is archeologist, but my hair rather likes to stand on my back, when I try to create that connection in my head, so forgive me inserting her again and again in anthropology. While I was at it, I also read the The Great Cosmic Mother by Monica Sjöö, The Chalice & The Blade by Riane Tennenhaus Eisler and When God Was a Woman by Merlin Stone. Out of all those – go for Marija Gumbutas if you want to have your first taste in the matter, she at least has some good archeological findings in her book.

There is a growing trend among newcomers, which is understandable, but slightly disturbing for me. Goddess worshiping is always related with feminism. It’s like Amen in Church – you worship Goddess, thus you are blood-hearted feminist. I and my sister were brought up as women, who think for themselves and don’t rely on men, so I guess you could say we are feminist oriented. So I can say to you – that Amen in Church – not true. Goddess should not be the ultimate symbol of feminism like rainbow should not only stand for sexual minorities.

I see the biggest mistake is often done, when the newcomers try to magnify the differences between the main religions to bring out why they want to follow only Goddess.

Like God is masculine, malevolent and it has dominated so long, it like must be pulled down from its pedestal and let women rule for a change. Goddesses are then exampled as pressed down power that is ready to take over and oh, what a wonderful world we would live in – compassionate and happy! Riane Tennenhaus Eisler seemed especially particular about the last one, constantly chanting the wonders that the society was enjoying when women were in power. I think back on items found around here, the heritage and traditional household models and I’m sorry – I must be living in different Europe than she describes, because I see nothing that would support her theory not now or in historic past. Monica Sjöö book is also going that direction.

I don’t see much worth in having a man in my life for most of the time – perhaps I haven’t found my match yet – , but I stand my ground, when I say – stop this trend of bashing men, when talking about Goddess! It’s as if every author, who has taken up writing “history” of Goddess worship is suddenly in need to prove her better. Why? I’m starting to think I should write my own soon, if I keep finding books like these!

My book would begin with simple sentence: co-operation. I won’t talk about any specific God or Goddess here, only in general for now. The theory is simple – like in household, we like it or not, there are work that women do and work that men do. We can nicely do each other’s, but if you live in a healthy household with two females and four men, then it always ends that way that men do one things and women others. It is normal. Yes, I used the bad word – normal. It has nothing to do with too much Christian influence or roles pushed on people by society – it is normal way how nature puts things. To anyone, who wants to argue on the family roles, please look animal channels first and then get back to me and we’ll discuss it.

With God and Goddess, as far as I’ve seen the evidence go – it is the same way. Goddess is more related with home and hearth, fields, fruits, plants while God deals with animals, birds, forest and hunting. This doesn’t make one more greater than other, absolutely the opposite – they are both part of the universal power, only with different tasks they perform. And like in household, the tasks can change and the people, who perform them, might be from the sex you don’t expect them to be, but this doesn’t mean that the previous performer is now meaningless or less important.

For example hunting. Inuit have goddess called Nujalik, who you turn to if you hunt on land. At the same time they have god named Tekheitsertok, who is master of caribous and also responsible for hunting. Odin in Norse mythology is the ultimate power man and protector of the hunters, yet if you wanted a good hunt in winter and used bow, then your best chance was goddess named Skadi. The closest to my region is Tapio – male spirit you could turn to for a good hunt, while Finnish next door also turned to Mielikki, she was protector of the forest and the hunt. Often, what determined for the hunters, whom to turn to, wasn’t the fact if they followed god or goddess, but by who they needed and what powers they were hoping would bring the greatest benefits. Sort of like putting together your team for sport – you chose the best players for your team and the best captain and sponsor.

It is hard for me to think that they would only follow Goddess and think that she will be all-powerful of making all their dreams come true in society where the absence of men during war was felt in most crucially in some parts of life. I have no doubt these Goddesses were indeed all-powerful, but even in that case her image would have possessed great deal of obligations and attributes that are set under male image in another society. To talk about having peace just because you had only Goddesses or main deity was a Goddess sounds too far fetched to have ground. You had peace, because all your life’s aspects were covered by her and you knew it. If the society next door had God as their main deity, then he would be taking care of women and protected the aspects important to them like home, children too and they just didn’t have need to have Goddess.

The main problem with modern religions is, we often feelamiss or that we are meant to press down something in ourselves in order to fit the model. I think in pre-history, they had it the opposite way – deities added to their protective shield the things you needed to be protected or help with. That’s why it is often so hard to define what deity stood for what in early societies – you had household gods and they stood good for everything related with that household. This might have been one of the reasons, in my opinion, why it was important for early Kings to put down the law “I rule – my religion”, because their kingdom was their household and they treated it the same way.

It’s not about equality of sexes, when we talk about deities in pagan societies. It was co-operation, roles you filled for the sake of the community. The same way like mother prepares dinner in your family and expects one of the children to wash up while dad puts fire up in the fireplace. If you compare – these are totally different tasks and take unequal times and seem all oh so unfair! Yet if everybody fills their part, it will create balanced life and in the end everybody are fed and warm.

God and Goddess are our mother and father the same way – we all have our roles in life and so do them. Having only one of them in your life and denying the other is like growing up without the other parent and that’s where the problems can start. But if we have that one, good parent – why ruin it by bashing the other child’s single parent? They might not understand each other for their views on life are different, but that doesn’t make them worse parents. 

For conclusion, I’d just like to say that if you consider turning your head only to Goddess – it is nice if you know all the reasons why you joined the Goddess movement, but understand those reasons too, why others don’t. It does not make them less advanced or uneducated or shovinist pigs. We just divide their tasks differently and like having male energies flowing in our life.

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My first pysanka!

Yes, it might be the end of autumn, geese are already doing their mass departure and thus, as the old saying goes, frost won’t be far away. With the heat they do it, I’d say it won’t be at all long before we finally need to dig winter clothes out.

Still, after receiving a proper  stylus for birthday, I finally had nice white egg shells, which had dried for two weeks and thus had proved non-stinkers. I wanted to collect the eggs earlier, but oddly, all the white eggs that I lighted through showed they were really thin and cracked already before opening them. But the patch before last had nice thick shell! So i figured I’d give it a try.

I also did a lot of reading on the paints, because it just didn’t make sense that I would need some special paints to do it. The tiny information not included in many Internet pages simply fail to mention that you need colors that are used to dye wool or silk.

So here is my first result. I know it’s not quite in the mood of the up-coming holidays, except that perhaps in the middle of all the death, symbol of life might just be a good side jump, but I had two hours, wool paint (red, how adequate), beeswax I spent melting into junks and kistka! Well, the rest is self explanatory.

My goddess figure now has Sinatra hat 🙂 . I honestly don’t know why I put it there a week ago, but it sure suits her. Hehee, I have goddess with Sinatra hat :D.  That’s a keeper. In front of her is her offering bowl. It has worked out somehow that things keep gathering there from one sabbath to another.

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Altar starting from Beltane?

Happy Easter everyone!

 Now that all the holiday decorating thing is done, fresh flowers are shining on my table and I’m watching another MoonMother video, I had a little wow moment.

As I said before, if someone asked, I never hid, what my religious standing is. Same today. What was different- as I realized it just now – is that I didn’t try to make excuses to it like I’ve done before, sort of to soften the punch. That’s when I’m with folks, who are Christians or Muslims or Hindus… this time I didn’t do it and for the first time over the years I actually explained it as it is, not what’s it not and that amazed me.

It’s strange really, this change. On one side I left the Wiccan’ Year and a Day program aside in most parts, because I simply don’t have time for it. On the other side I have become far more confident with my own religion than I have ever been before. It bothered me, for example, that my dad felt bothered a bit by the fact that I’ve fixed my mind on this root. He has never been against it, but snarling remarks isn’t really accepting the matter, now is it?

Now it seems that the remarks have almost ceased to exist and he has fully accepted the fact that I’ve set my eyes on this root. So has my other family members and with them, so have I. Mom even asked if I’m planning to put my cards out on the window sill during this Full Moon, which was nice. As I’m traveling this week-end, I don’t get to do it, but still, it was nice of her to offer.

I keep getting the emotional push that I should check the items over to make god and goddess statues for my altar. Since I got that scare with God, I’ve been in-between everything all the time, unable to concentrate. Today I noticed that with that I have collected my altar together, too and the candles have burned up. Today was the first time that I actually looked at the items over months and felt that I would like to fit the altar back together again. It’s just so strange.

One reason that might have had this feeling, is that one of my long term spells is coming to an end. Actually, it was ended rather abruptly when the bowl was launched on a small air trip that ended with seeds all over my table, floor and cupboards. It wasn’t intentional and I was planning to renew the spell on Beltane, but it gave me odd sense like something had been released and now I’m thinking on pinks and greens and how to mingle them into altar decorations!

The more I think of this, the more I’m coming to understanding that I actually want a permanent altar.  I’ve had one in Yoville (it’s a interior decorating game in FB) since 2010 autumn and though I’ve countless times taken it down, I’ve pretty much built it up again on the next day. Wouldn’t it be nice to actually have it for real now?

Oh, wait, then there’s this issue called niece, who has this time going on that everything has to be tossed, cried over or pushed off the table should she not like it. Can’t have burning candle tossed around like that. That big iffy is sad, but true. The other iffy is the fact that I’m still traveling between two places and I would like to start with one altar.

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Day 28 – 35 and Crone Invocatio

Day 28- 32

Some of us wrote our own Crone goddess invocations. As I don’t have my notebook near, I’m posting it here for now.

Memm, kes kaitsed merd ja maid
Oled meist üks targemaid,
Jaga armu, õnne, tarkust
Püha tule õrna paitust
Õpeta kuis kaitsta end
teisi, võõraid, koduseid
Astu sisse, õnnista,
Astu sisse, rõõmusta
Astu sisse, õpeta.
Sel pühal tunnil kutsun sind
Targemaks et saaks mu hing.

Lady Old, who you protect the seas and lands
You are the wisest amongst us
Spread your love, luck and wisdom
Caress us with the holy light
Teach us how to protect ourselves,
others, strangers, those at home
Step inside with your blessing
Step inside, feel the joy.
Step inside, teach us.
On this holy hour I summon you
So my soul could learn to be wiser.

I don’t use “So mote it be”. Never felt the exact need for it when turning to god or goddess.

I was unable to do it this time, but I hope I can some time later.
Day 33:
Meditative Question: What is at the center of knowledge?
Answer at this moment: Peace with yourself and your surroundings and never being bored, because the vessel of knowledge is endless.
Day 34: Honoring Isis
I am taking this to 14th of May, the Isis day. I don’t know yet what will come, but I’d like to honor them on their celebration day.  In other words, I hope I’ve figured out exactly how I’ll be dealing with altar. Living at home unfortunately means I can’t use the dinner table as often as I could. So I’m surpassing this for now.
Day 35: Day of  silence and review:
As odd as it seems – I think I actually went through this! Wasn’t feeling very talkative and so didn’t talk much. Not as knowingly as I could have perhaps, but I think it worked :D.
Was it difficult to maintain silence?
If I don’t feel like talking, it isn’t that hard. But I will never be able to stay quiet for entire day. I would have to sew my mouth up for that. If I’m at work, it is impossible. Still, intriguing challenge – to keep mouth shut for entire day. Including writing to communicate.
When did I most want to verbally communicate?
When I’m interacting with anybody, who isn’t capable of talking themselves or we have usual problems of communicating.  I’m so used to use words, because sounds are universal – if I talk with the dog for example or with kids or foreigner. They recognize your tone of voice, similar words, feelings.
Did silence help me to notice what was going on in my own body, mind or spirit?
I think I feel more that I must take more seriously diabetes. That it is seriously affecting the way I live.
Did I have times when mental activity increase or decreased?
Yes and I must admit I didn’t like it that much. I guess I like being in control. Made me sleepy though.
Did I have times when physical activity increased or decreased in response to silence?
Yes. When the surroundings calmed down, so did my body. It immediately wanted to rest. In a way a good thing, but I’ve never realized I was that tired.
How might periodic observances of silence be beneficial to me?
It certainly brought out what I needed the most. If I took away the sound, it increased my hearing and vision. In animation, there is a picture in a book: “I’m not smart enough to do two things at the same time”. It was about sound overtaking our thinking abilities and I agree. But I think I should choose the days myself.

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Day 16 and 17

I’m slightly tight in time, so I’m making it short without giving longer explanation.

Day 16:

Thoughts – Moon (I’m a writer – try explaining me philosophy and you make my head go wild in thoughts of a cat munching on your birthday cake)

Actions – Sun (I like rules, I like order, I like when I have reasons – this gives me more freedom to deal what really matters to me. Yet my actions in longer perspective might not seem as logical and well-planned as they could be and I very much enjoy chaotic world, too.)

Feelings – Sun (I’m more cheery than moody and I’m passionate if I stand up for something)

Body – Moon (I’m round, feminine, soft and I love it)

Day 17:

I’m not sure exactly what I’m suppose to get from this exercise.  I won’t be buying the almanac for it anyway, but it doesn’t matter.  As I’ve explained several times, we have slightly different calendars that give us the information. Our own calendars for example or Estonian Native belief’s calendar. I get everything from there except what sign the moon is in some particular day, but that has mattered little to me even in the past years when I’ve done it actively.

I will spend this day exploring maiden deities instead.

I tried meditating again today. It was interesting tingling sensation this time. Like going deaf while hearing air whistling in and out. The tingling was odd, too – I thought I’d feel it go from feet up to the head, but instead I felt the tingling only where the chakras are and it didn’t go past my heart chakra.

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Acorns and mugwort

Preparing for the course :D.

I have been thinking on goddess that intrigues me the most, Hestia, and been searching any information I could find to determine what hr worship is about and how I can do it. And I like her more and more.

So when I went home yesterday, I asked her if she could set so that I could still find the mugwort I was missing from my list. Tonight, after leaving my friend’s place and totally loosing the direction (went pass my street corner more then a kilometer) and suddenly, when taking a glance to my right I saw it there – nice bush still fully green! So I gathered a handful, which should cover all the need I have for it. I also got chestnut that I have been searching for some time and pocketful acorns.

Also I figured out the sort of candles to cover the 5-6 inch candles here, where you can’t really buy them like so.  I now need to remember, where I saw them last time. For some reason it rings in my head that they always cam packed in 20s?

Thank you – it was a good first lesson :)!

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