I’m in a weird place with my writing. I got past 20k in NaNoWriMo, which, by the way, I guess I was doing, until I woke up yesterday feeling soggy about this whole thing.
Here’s the thing. I have a member in the family (oh goody), who has lately been snapping at me on any chance when writing comes up how badly I’m doing with it and it’s getting to me. They are the sort of around-the-corner hints that you can’t really fight with, because the only answer I would get would be something in line “you’re seeing an elephant” and then the jokes continue. And I am so tired of this. They are getting to me in a way that I want to either shut him up for good or send the whole writing to hell so he would just shut up.
And at this point, I’m feeling like I’m not getting any support. I don’t know if my writing is going anywhere, if I should like take down all my books and send the whole idea of publishing them the traditional way to hell and just put them up on the homepage and hell with the whole “one day they might earn something” idea, ’cause right now… I am feeling very insecure.
So at this point I’m considering continuing this innuendo as my personal joke only. I still want to put my stories up, I don’t want to write in the drawer, but I don’t feel like going through the publishing thing either. I’ve always thought that having family support is important to me, but right now I don’t feel like sharing anything with them. Especially as this has come to light. Maybe it’s the depression talking, but I just…
I think I’ll just put the stories up and let them be there, at least then the 189 subscribers, maybe they will read them.