Little things are getting to me.
I know it’s bad to expect something from others. You can’t really expect anybody do what you ask them. And it’s really really getting to me. It’s like banging a door and nobody is home kind of feeling.
I saw a dream few days ago. There was a guy, who had amnesia. I was his lover, but not official and his family really didn’t like me. So when he got amnesia, they used the moment and tossed me out the moment he got home from hospital, as if I had never been there. Everything went – me, my things, photos from the albums… Suddenly I found myself in a forest on a frosty night wearing nothing but my dress and bag full of junk that had no value besides emotional. In my dream I spent the night there and nobody came looking for me. Nor the rest of my life. I was cut out and he never remembered me. Deep in my heart I knew I couldn’t blame him, because he had amnesia, but it hurt me so much, because when I tried to get to him a week later, he would just stare me down.
I feel pretty much the same with my writing. I was downright exited about the homepage, but the week-end at my grandparent’s place pretty much cleared up the illusion as if it mattered. Since it’s week before Nano I’ve been trying to get some feedback from forums on characters and on problems I have with them currently and, well, I must say zero replies does speak volumes.
It feels like a rundown clock that is close to falling over. On one side I just found something I am passionate about and what encouraged me to give it a try, and on the other side I can’t get any feedback on it! But there’s no point of doing something in a bubble, is there?
Yeah, well, it’s the low point. It will pass I guess, but it’s just hard.