There is a lot going on right now.
I realized I only have 2 weeks to do the packing to move all my stuff. I’ve been putting the task aside so far, because the last date always seems so far away and it makes my head swim to look at the task ahead. So this week-end, I’ll tackle the problem head first.
Secondly, I’m back at working on my story. I realized that this story actually has a pre-story, which won’t go anywhere. Mostly because… I don’t even have a good reason for it. It just didn’t hold enough reasons and messarounds to make it. However, in order to understand my current predicaments, I decided out of the blue that I might as well write it as a sequel for the blog. It’s in Estonian, because that’s how I wanted it to sound.
I am still searching ideas for the A-to-Z Challenge. I hope to be done with researching by beginning of March for then I can begin researching the characters and pinpoint the stories. It will be marathon of a kind and I can’t even promise how lengthy the posts will be. I must see.
I saw a movie last night, Third Star. I have long fought over the thought on how to add suicide in the Challenge list. It is (and in a way should be) a taboo topic and as with everything else there is no black or white what to do in a situation like this. I highly appreciate seeing this movie. It broke my heart and highlighted the inevitable end of the situation and the hard choices of everybody part of the situation. There’s no easy way out, no forgiveness, no moral stronghold. Yet sometimes – to deny the right to leave with dignity can be punishment, like betrayal for living a good life.
In general I have very strong opinion about it – if you kill yourself, the voice you think was never heard is given to those, who drove you to it. That is, the slander won’t end with you. Only now you can’t speak up, others do the talking and you’ve witnessed them so far – they often have no clue or they tare down the last of what’s left of your story.
I don’t want to tell my whole life story, only believe me that this is something I know what I’m talking about. It is irritating and wrong to believe that telling someone that “God forbids you” or “You won’t get to paradise” helps to keep these people alive. Don’t make that mistake.
I think my epiphany about this came after having “the experience” and then becoming friends with a creature of her own kind and seeing in horror aside what was happening. She had problems with her parents, because she was different. Very different. She also posted about it and I read the comments with growing horror. They were urging her to go through with her suicide. “Oh you poor thing – I hope you’ll find your peace!”. Those were suppose to be her friends! So I took her aside (sort of – through net, how can you say about this?) and gave her a good kick on her head. She didn’t do it that night. She did try few other times, but we worked it through (we both learned in time that her attempts had specific reason) and now she’s in GB, digital artist and appreciated by people, who are her family now. And I am grateful and happy for each day to have her as my friend still.
But things are not black or white. She was only one case among many and my experience another. We’ll see how it works out.