…and it’s back to same

So, just on Monday I was searching an apartment. I even places a inquiry on one place, though unofficially, but I figured I’d like to go see it.

On Tuesday, we went and meet a loan adviser. Only to learn that unless we pay third from our own pocket, it was not going to happen. Or we must mortgage my parent’s house. No freaking way. So loan is not going to happen, so I am renting my apartment, probably for the rest of my life – given I don’t win lottery or get some really good book deal or what not. Sad, but true. I am still hopeful though. And we will have new moon in just days.

Ok, so it wasn’t end of the world. We were both expecting this and thus neither mom or I was really surprised. We did learn great deal about what that business actually entitles though, so I am happy we went to see the loan adviser. 

On Wednesday, someone came up with a better solution – why not we switch places with the girl, who asked to move somewhere else. I don’t think even she got the full picture, what it actually meant. It’s not a blame-game, so it was hard on all of us.

Even though I was ok with buying an apartment together with sis, I was surprisingly taken back by that move. I really reacted bad. I’m guessing the fact that it was looking more and more like deja vu how I lost my first place, was not helping at all. Noble sacrifices are the sort one should avoid for they bring nothing in value. Still, out of all the solutions, that would probably have been the best of it all. I don’t live in heaven, but I have kept the place well and it is cozy.

So after working at home, I finally got to town, only to start deep cleaning at my place. Shame to say, but I have been really tired this past week, so it wasn’t that clean. Still, an hour later it was all sparkling clean again – heaven is on the side with small places – and I came to work at dorm.

On Friday, today I had a visitor then. She came to check on the place. But the fact that I live on top of a small pub was probably too much for some and though she considered it – to which we are greatly thankful -she reclined the offer. But at the same time she decided to give it one more try and we assured her that if she feels that it is still too much, the offer stands and that she needs just to say and they can spend the night at my place, where we can watch movies and have hamburgers and drive sis nuts so she can study and perform perfect on her exams. We don’t have the sort of problems, where one is against the other, but it does take a lot to live together with a small child. 🙂

Despite all this, I’m glad we didn’t take the loan. I am glad we didn’t have to move just now. It is still in the near future, but I need to get some things off my road first.  Despite being reminded that “I can’t put off finding a man and getting children just so I get my problems sorted out first”. Well, some things must be dealt with and having too much on your shoulders can tent the lid when it booms off you as rocks in volcano. And having such conversation in the middle of the time, when you are pissed at anyone, who harbors glans that hang outside their body, is not helping to searching myself a hubby.

This is the song that has echoed in my head this entire evening. After such roller-coaster, you don’t need to understand the irony. I don’t. But oh that song!

But now I sit here, having slept less than two hours, made myself paper dolls (with good results, I might add!), and this eagerness in my bones to begin preparing for the seasonal holiday again. I don’t want to crochet right now, I still feel I need to show my hand to doc first. Something is off there. Even typing this is getting them painful.

Yet I am happy as ever. There is a lot I need to sort out, now that life has taken small curve to the usual road. I think I need it. Something typical and boring. I think I’ll watch Wicker Man tonight.


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