This is going to be one of those angry posts, so if you don’t want to get involved, or have an opinion, which, seeing my followers, I very much doubt, I suggest not to read it.
We are back to individualism and wasting other people’s time and pushing your obligations to your co-workers necks time!
Dad started an argument yesterday, which I went a mile on not to open my mouth and killing him right there. I am sorry darlings, he has done it again!
Situation was simple – mom and I were removing items from the molds, like we always do at that time, when dad walked in. He went straight to the table, which in time had gathered quite few items and dust, and started talking about 10s and 5s being good if he could mount them next to each other (I know what it means, it’s really not important). I saw opportunity and used the rest room for a minute. When I got back I saw big box next to the table and dad tossing stuff in it. There being some family keepsakes, it got my nerve up, because the way he did it, I was sure they’d break and I know he has no understanding in that field. So mom intervened and told she’ll do it in a minute. “When?” dad barked. “We first finish this and then I’ll do it. In few minutes!” Dad flipped and went, banging the doors, leaving us pondering over the reasons that got him angry this time. But as I wasn’t yet down with my mood, I didn’t give it much thought. We finished our work and I continued with the next step while mom cleaned the table. “The usual trash”, like dad referred to it, consisted several items he’d be yelling over us in few months, because “he did not toss them away (how could we even think to suggest that!) and we should know where we put the stuff! Not him.” Of course not him, his nothing but a “masha”!
OH, should I mention that he said that morning that he is fully supporting SOPA? That such rules should have been established long ago. Way to go daddy! I knew your morals were screwed up, but I didn’t quite understand yet how little you actually get the text between the lines!
He soon returned, after the living room looked worse than Chinese smoking room, and got dressed. We had all forgotten of this already, but he soon started: “Now, don’t get this the wrong way, I’m not trying to aggravate anyone or start a war” (translation: I will come out with another statement, which I have decided, but try make everybody think it was worked out together). I was my back to him, which he neatly translated into “I already see some resentment”. Thank you, daddy! I haven’t even looked at you, said anything and even my heart beat has yet to change and I’m already enemy of the state!
Anyway, he started telling how we all waste his time by not following his orders or keeping neat schedule that will get things out in time. It went on for an hour and we said nothing. Absolutely nothing. Every time he tried to argue back, bro started mixing process, which is very loud, so basically we didn’t give him the respect he wanted. And he shall not have it later either, but we did get more mocking terms in our language. Like “now!” and “right away!” and “in a minute!”, because with those precise expressions, he have been waiting for “months to get things done”. Not once in that hour did he consider that if he orders us around like dogs, we might be busy with other tasks that are more important.
He said we should consider our work there as a process. Well, sad to say, but we spend on the other side close to 10 hours and take now and then 10 minute pauses, so the fumes wouldn’t get our brains. The only person, who works 2-3 hours in the morning, then sleeps off the rest of the days is him. And we are glad he does, because with his “help” we loose in time and quality.
He said both works me and mom do are important, but we must take his (which he immediately corrected to “our”) job just as seriously. I wonder if the fact that we have no social life, we go home straight from work to do that job shows anything?
He said we kept shipment waiting until the night before shipping out. That itself was intriguing day! We talked about starting with packing that evening, dad, bro and I. We all sat behind the breakfast table. But we decided that we first take the rest off the tables and put new patch in molds. Two-three hours later (didn’t have time to deal with his moods) I noticed that he was going around all strange again. Ok, I thought, now what? Didn’t take him long to walk to us and grunt that in the evening we must all four start packing, because we have swindled away from responsibilities. I glanced at brother and he shrugged to me behind his back. When dad left, he asked: “Didn’t we speak about during breakfast?”. So instead of taking the hour break to get dinner started and check the mail, we continued with that. He naturally slept it all off, checking in after six and wondering, surprised, that we had already got that far, but brother was super angry and my mood was just as ruined. “He now thinks that we started again because of him,” he said, “because he has this habit to come and play the grunted boss right before the scheduled task is to start”. Yup, he is that sort of a troll.
The bottom line was that while he went on and on how we waste his time, he not once let through his diluted brain that he doesn’t consider our capacity at all during that time. We have fixed schedule we follow when working and he never takes it in consideration when running in, demanding free table and starting some dusty work or shouting at brother to help him while he is working with chemicals and is wearing full protective suit (aprons, respirators, gloves…). Not once! We have lost all expectations to finish early in week-ends when we have 3 people working, because then he takes that brother is totally in his command and I still find myself working alone for hours while mom and brother desperately try to locate some piece of metal or wood he is sure to have somewhere before he gets angry that we don’t know where HIS stuff is and goes to bed.
I didn’t speak with him the entire evening. He looked happy, but his happiness means the entire family’s mood is ruined and they don’t want to know he exists. Nice, huh?
It continued this morning. As he sleeps through days, he has no problem waking up early. As I didn’t wake on my alarm clocks (again), mom woke me up, but I guess her coming out of the bed meant he woke up too. I avoid waking him at any cost in the mornings I have to come to work early. For one and one reason only – he smokes in the breakfast table. When the entire family eats – no problem, he doesn’t take the cigarette out of the box. But if there’s just him and me it’s suddenly allowed! I can’t confront him about it either, because I’d be leaving the rest of the family to deal with his bad mood and I don’t want to do either. But smoking to my face during breakfast is too much.
So, angry as I am, I came to work. And for what? “Put this sign up, please? Landlady asked me to do it, but I forgot.” Perhaps not in so many words, but that was the idea. SECOND WEEK-END IN A ROW! I’m sorry, do I look like I like filling assignments given to YOU by our boss? Do I? The task was not given to me – to you, then why am I suppose to put the signs up or check doors or do whatever you forgot? Let’s get back to that original irritation – me wasting somebody else’s time.
STOP WASTEING MINE! I am swamped with stuff I have put waiting, because they are only relevant to me! This includes school, writing, my Year and A Day program. I still do them, but with gritting teeth and longing for summer, because my body needs less sleep in summer. I’m taking 2 weeks off to prepare for 4 exams next month. I don’t even want to tell dad that I’m doing this, because to him it is “extra pair of hands for work” and I won’t have any time. If I don’t tell him, I get at least 7 days out of 14 to study, but with 24 points altogether, that is hardly enough.
I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I get scolded by friends for putting so little time for building my own life up or profit from my talents, yet I have no way out from family firm, because if I do, other’s would break. Is that our destiny? One by one be taken down by that troll?
I don’t fucking think so! I should take the two weeks off and do exactly one thing – tell him to buzz off! I am doing exactly by his advice – I appreciate my time too much to waste it on his dreams and paying his bills! I have school and his “support” so far to me going to school has been exactly zero! His support to anything beside his stupid plans has been zero so why should I give him any benefits of my life? I’m sorry, but that train left the station years ago. I am running off tracks because of his lack of consideration on others and I am tired of it. How much must my future suffer because of one troll under the bridge? I could live with the real troll, to tell you the truth, I could simply feed it with him…