Life lessons

I knew it! I just knew it!

Woke up too early again (for my own sanity, I should stop that) and happened to hear mom and dad having “grownup” conversation.

Well, I’m glad it all went nice and smooth and you weren’t discussing work at Christmas Eve, but hey, at least you talked, right?

BUT

Dad brought out two things, that made me want to gag him. First – that he has been a good boy and only got himself small (200 ml) bottles instead of big ones a day. Dear daddy, if I were any younger and you’d take me for a gullable tiny fool, I’d wrote you a santa letter – the problem isn’t you buying the stuff (though your point on it not affecting family’s budget is beyond comprehension), but you drinking it! Too much!

Second thing was convincing mom that sis has to build her own life up herself.

Now here I would like to address every man in the world, so you get it clear – every responsibility you pass aside goes to somebody else, but it doesn’t go away.  Conservation of energy law! This means that if you are a daddy and you don’t live up to your responsibilities, then the responsibility is acted out by someone either close to you or through your children.

But the “I knew it” was the result of realization that our daddy dearest has decided to teach my sis Lesson in Life. I am so angry I am sad there isn’t any earlier bus to town to skip this fucked up Christmas again.  In a situation where other families would help, he has decided to let her sink!

I’m sorry, but, WHAT? There are other people related to her fall, darling! Her child for example! Now I don’t know what he is thinking about – hoping she’d come home, begging, or that the child’s father would get the child – but either way it is beyond anything I consider possible outcome. I don’t want her to come home – not so she would be under his hand again nor so he could say “I told you so”, which, by the way, is a fact. And absolutely no option to us is that the child custody goes to that idiotic irresponsible thwart.  The child hasn’t deserved that and nor my sister.

Man, you men are such idiots. Now I have to find another source to support them and loosing school is yet again close.

Come to think of it – I have two things in my life both say are not my responsibility. Then how come they are both taking two thirds of my life?

I can not build up their career on my expense. Something they both agree. Yet when I try to ignore either of them, both say I am the one irresponsible for not helping or go on how they so needed me.

I don’t want to help them any more, I don’t want to feel guilty for not helping them and I don’t want to feel miserable any more, because guilt is stopping me functioning.

And I don’t want to listen planning for this house or work, because it’s Christmas morning and I would have wanted a nice quiet morning. With herbal tea, good food and hope for better future.

Now I get home planning and talk over pay checks…

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