The topic I’m addressing now is somewhat sad and idiotic at the same time.
I have discussed it with my friends here, part of that minority and thus feel no reason to feel ashamed for writing this topic.
I met my first gay couple when I was twelve when I happened to see two guys living in the same dormitory where my mom work, kiss on the street. I stared at them in surprise, they looked back at me, embarrassed, and I smiled. They smiled back and though we never talked about, we both accepted each other. So, never have I had problems with it. If I’ve had problems, it has been because of people’s own behavior and mannerisms, but never with their sexual orientation.
I do not hate homosexuals. I have nothing against their bed-life, them holding hands, them going around as couple, them kissing, and them arguing over their life. If you ask me, I can bring you even examples why I think it is as natural as heterosexuals.
I don’t care if you are gay, lesbian or bi, transsexual, transvestite, butch, dom, sub or anything else in-between or on the edge. When somebody addresses me and tries to shock me with it, they’ve got the wrong person. It doesn’t excite me more than… ok, I can’t use this example as I’m excited about every other thing, but really – it doesn’t make me see you differently nor will it bring “nasty images” (like the cliché goes).
I am hetero. Never fancied any ladies and haven’t met any woman yet, who have managed to excite me such way. Yet I haven’t walked quite past that world either.
The new campaign to “make people understand that there is no need to separate people from your life because them being sexual minority” really hit the cake. Like my brother exhaled, hearing about it in the news: “Again? You know what? I want to start the campaign “Give us back our rainbow”!”
In other words – do we need this constant grilling on the topic? I’ve had people say about it that they like it or they don’t care or that they were better off when this wasn’t brought out all the time. That it wasn’t a problem, but suddenly it is constantly referred as something problematic. Like they are constantly seeking attention or that they want to be defined through it. They are not. Mostly the unspoken rule still is that unless it is illegal (pedophile, rape, zoophile; by the way I would add necromancy of unwilling participants), what they do in their bedrooms is still private. I’m hetero and I don’t want to be put on a flag and waved around to bring attention to my sex life.
Yet the way this is going, I start wondering if we should, because the more the minorities are pushed, the more I feel the stretch of my own sexuality. Like if I say I’m hetero, I’m taken immediately as someone, who hates homos, who sleep with the “wrong kind” of partner and who only takes part of obscene sexual life. That it is shameful to be hetero. We were supposed to be equal, right? Then why are we pictured as this biological remnant from the past? I have talked about sexual education before and I really feel that it should stay there, but I’m just sad.
And the rainbow campaign?
“Give us back our rainbow!”
…is a shout that is true in its meaning. When I looked up rainbows in the sky, I thought about where it would end, how it appears, the fairy tales. Imagine our surprise when little child not far from us suddenly burst, seeing his first rainbow in the sky – “Look mummy, the flag from the parade!”
I think all the grownups there blushed to the routs and we felt the familiar sting in our hearts. Like with swastika – the symbol’s meaning has changed forever. Only half-crazy dare to surround themselves with it, those, who can handle endless accusations from uneducated for being nazi. Soon we don’t dare to look at the rainbow anymore, because sexuality has never been as free as many want and thus we soon look at it and our first thought is that it symbolizes gays and lesbians. So soon we discourage our children from painting them and avoid images with them, because we immediately suspect support for them. Another wonderful symbol ruined by human kind.
And I still have nothing against them. Only against those campaigns as I think they have reverse, negative message altogether. I don’t want to be taken less than I am because I’m not part of these minorities. But even now I’m sometimes afraid to admit it. In conversations I shyly avoid expressing my sexual orientation, because I fear being judged ignorant for it. I talk about sexuality openly, but we never actually touch the topic of heteros being in the punch, especially if gays are under discussion, because it always feels like it will end up in fight, even if neither side feels challenged by it.
Silly, isn’t it?