Day 4

Day nr 4 asks you to answer questions.  As I won’t have this time in the evening, I did it straight away. Some answers are vague, but they can be explored more from previous posts. Like the Christian Goddess dilemma…

I do apologize for my followers for so many updates today, which are also riddled with grammar mistakes. I really do need sleep before I enter anything else.

Here are the answers to Day 4 exercise:

Why am I exploring the Wiccan path?

I am exploring the Wiccan (Pagan, I’m pagan first of all) path because it satisfies my love for systematized spirituality. Sounds so weird when I think that I am supporter of kitchen witches, wise women, hedge witches and practical magic. Still, this is what intrigues me – all the systems, the specifications and things one has to take in count. I also do it, because since I was little, there has always been the local spiritual world, the mother earth and elements and it seems natural way to continue the path I was born in.

What were my previous spiritual practices?

Since I remember, I’ve been strongly drawn to Christianity. Until I was 16, I was sincerely preparing to be baptized when I turn 18. But there were two things that bothered me with it. One is that you are supposed to put your sins on Christ. However I approach this dilemma, I can not bring myself to do it. It isn’t right, it doesn’t justify killing someone and being forgiven. I wasn’t raised that way. The second one that put the absolute warning sign up, is Book of Isaiah in Bible. It leaves me always without words, because my mind refuses to grasp somebody do something like that to another person’s holy place.

Since I have been little I have also been able freely read any paranormal magazine that went around at that time. We had them all and even now I treasure them for what they were was unique.

Did any of these past practices lead me to investigate Wicca?  How?

Both actually. I don’t hate Christianity. Bible is still to me holy as it gets and I pray to God with no doubt or problem. I just don’t claim it for the reasons given above. But whoever considers bible evil has simple not read it. Who claims there is no magic in Bible – read it again, this time analyzing it.

There was one thing in Bible, that made me think twice about the missing goddess, too. The late documentaries sort it out for me pretty clearly. Which means that there really is no difference as far as any religion comes, it’s in details, but I love the idea that there is a goddess, too! I would gladly follow her, only there is almost nothing we know of her either and the bible is full of hints how she was removed from pantheon, making me wonder if those two aren’t in war or something and what happened there in the first place.

Being interested in Paranormal has also played its part. Though those magazines talk nothing of Wiccan, it gives plenty other sources that are just as intriguing and it has taught me the basics, which I still hold very dear.

And of course, tarot. As I am absolutly in love with it’s symbolism and anything related, I started researching psychology. Jung to be more precise and from there on to  Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. I probably didn’t understand it then, but now I’m glad I did read about it all as it gives me quite good base to see the differences and similarities.

What are my hopes in engaging in this path?

I hope to gain more confidence by learning the actual basics. So far it’s been this here and that there, but I haven’t had any proper system to it. I do what I hold right and I follow what common sense tells me. I do hope to find the god and goddess that are ones to follow too. Become more confident on practical magic, too.

What are my fears in engaging in this path?

I don’t want to loose my purpose in all the little details. I want to know the practical parts, the reason behind the deeds, the way to do it.  It does say “in perfect trust and perfect love”. True, but I’m writer, I take everything with grain of salt (makes strawberries taste better, too 😉 ).

How will I handle friends and family members who might not approve of my spiritual search?

I have been lucky in sense that my friends and family know I am very strong minded. They let me explore whatever comes up and I want to study, because they know I can’t be altered to follow one thing or the other simply because somebody else wants. I’m not afraid to refuse. Neither do I do anything that might harm me or my family, safety first. I have very simple rule on this – if I get hurt or die, I won’t be able to explore what I want. For a creature like me, it is very serious rule. This lets them relax and go exploring my path with me without fearing I’d put them in danger.

Aside from transitioning to a new spiritual path, are there other major events that impact my life at this time (for example: deaths, births, divorce, job loss, etc)?

My first private encounter with internet :D. I was and still am into divination systems and when I got my first internet session without having parent look over my shoulder, I searched out the corners of pentagram and color representations. From there the link took me to another and another page and soon I was intrigued by the new thing I found. From there I started searching local folklore similarities and National Estonian Religion. From there it has stuck.

If I have major life events happening right now, is this the best time to explore a new spiritual path?  Why/why not?

I don’t know… Truth is I always have 3-4 major projects going on at the same time. One works out, the other one doesn’t. In the end I go through all of them, so there really is no purpose for me to not get started with something in fear of not finishing. I will eventually.

One response would be that this is the good time to take up new spiritual path to balance out everything mundane in my life. I like diversity in my choises in tasts, challenging my brain and I also like it in my day to day life. I am rather conservative and I like my balance and quiet life, but I can’t stand if it is same from day to day. So I want to have all aspects in it – my family, my work, my friends, my pets, my traveling, my writing, my entertainment and my spiritual path. You never get bored if they are all represented one way or the other.

 At the same time it adds extra strain to other projects and at some point I will need to choose, what is more important and if I have daily things, they tend to win. Good thing is, it never goes anywhere. Paganism is something I will research when I feel like it. I don’t feel I have to push myself if the feeling isn’t right. The right time will come, you can’t do things in the wrong time anyway. Like with Tarot cards – if somebody needs a reading, it will make itself known.


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