Small changes

I have done some small changes on the blog.

First of all, it is no longer my main blog, but I still keep updating it here as things come. What it means is that it has been  added to act as side blog for the main. My main is my business blog, my alter ego writer site. That’s why the icon has changed and it now carries the title “back to homepage”. Not to worry, the address doesn’t change, so you need no other change other than noticing the title of the blog did change.

On the other matters – I have finished a book, which will join the list now that is up for editing before I can fixate the “about” date to get the book out. I know the one I wanted to publish and hoped to publish faster has kind of not happened yet. The editing on it is done, but daily life has taken over my time and I need time to make it into ebook. It is not as easy as it seems. I’m sorry about that, but the book is basically still getting out soon.

The thing, however, that is keeping me back from publishing it as it is, is really simple – I want to think through some ideas on book covers. I am not happy right now with them, as I’ve been doing them very randomly and although, according to critics, I have gotten the basic there, it is still in newbie-style. So, time to give it a bit more thought before I have the entire thing out and it looks as diluted and messed up as it does now.

My main blog also got itself an adult section now🙂. I am actually very happy with it. It doesn’t send updates on newslist though and that was deliberate. It will be updated as often as  I get to it though. I just felt there was need to move some things from “shocking, because not declared” reading to more private region, where people can see and choose that they are reading grown up fiction from there on. I don’t have ways to block it from the hands of minors though, so it has to be up to your own concious and honesty.

So yeah, this is what’s been going on recently. It’s just been very, very busy time for me.

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Story versus trivia fact

I had an interesting encounter today.

I have been writing a story called Devil’s Butterfly.

flashfridayEfren Wooldrige, a food service manager at a 3 star restaurant Le Petit Chef, is up for a nasty surprise, when he discovers that his mother, whom he hasn’t had any contact for 7 years,  has no problem selling him to his new stepbrother Steven Custer for acceptance for her marriage to his father. Served on a plate, hot. But hot food burns your tongue if one isn’t careful.

Steven Custer, a CEO of a large corporation, has no doubt his father loves his new bride. However, the past has taught him that it’s not always the bride one ought to be cautious about. There are always “new” family members, who see no problem swindling their way up using the new family connections. So with the new bride he decides to take the matters in his own hands and prevent the ugly past from repeating again.

So, I was talking about it with some people, whom I’ve known for a long time and they know I’m writing it, because, well, I have done it publicly since January. So, today I was telling them again the main problems, because I may be involved with it 24/7, but I don’t expect others to know my story problems by heart no matter how often we discuss them. And I mentioned that “he had a fall out with his boyfriend” and he looked at me with this incredulous stare and asked, so he is gay? I shrugged that yeah, he is, Efren is gay.

“So it’s that sort of story! Don’t you think you should have mentioned it earlier?”

It kind of floored me.

Let’s leave aside the “that sort of story”, because I really don’t want to discuss gay pride right now. AS the main focus of this story has never been about him being gay. Yes, the character’s mother and friend give him some hard time for it, and that plays role in his decision making, because it is to push him, but other than that it really has no status in the story. And yes, I haven’t mentioned it being a gay love story, because I didn’t think that mattered for the story itself is about a man trying to survive his own inevitable doom as his body is giving up on him! It’s about putting trust in those closest to you and trusting them about your problems! It’s a sort of urban fantasy with a twist!

AND THAT TWIST IS NOT HIM BEING GAY! It is completely unimportant trivia fact about his daily life! But the moment I mentioned it, that story no longer mattered! All the focus was me not mentioning he was gay. They kiss maybe twice (? I can’t remember straight at the moment), hug and sit next to each other. THAT IS IT! But no, it has no importance – the story doesn’t matter.

For that reason alone, for the fact how trivia the whole book became after I mentioned that one word makes me furious. It was exactly that why I didn’t want to put that tag on it. Because you read “gay romance urban mystery” and you expect what?

Honest to god, what do you expect?

I expect a romantic urban mystery with a couple of men. I don’t care if they get in bed or fight over a vacant place on their favorite sofa, but I want a mystery that holds water and perhaps has some urban fantasy elements in it. The relationship will be cherry on the top, but if everything else fails, sorry, no cake.

I’m confused right now. I thought it was decent enough story and people liked the idea of it, the mystery I was weaving and the characters, who are struggling for their lives.

Then what the hell? What does that change if he has a boyfriend? He is still dying, he is still fighting with his stepbrother and trying to keep his mom from acting on her threat! That hasn’t changed!





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Comparing books

Yesterday, I read two books – Tough Love (Special Delivery 3) by Heidi Cullinan and For Real by Alexis Hall.

Both books are about BDSM relationships, both have older guy with younger guy and the relationship isn’t purebred dandelions. I didn’t know they were on the same thing before I read them, because  the first I had since 2014 and it was just waiting around while Hall’s book I got only recently. Despite sharing the same topic, the books however are very different from each other, and that’s why I’m currently sitting here.

It wasn’t the general storylines that struck me, but the fact how easily you could tell which one was written in England and which one in US. I read and listen in big variety, from Australia to US and back and it has never come out so clearly to me before. Not just the expressions they use, for that is obvious, but the entire writing styles were completely home groomed it brought chills to my back. And in a good way. At some point I had to go back to let the brain absorb the story as well, because I was too taken checking the expressions out like free women on an bar isle.

Cullinan’s book has some seriously chilling scenes and isn’t for lighthearted read. You think you read a BDSM romance in style of 50 Shades of Gray and it was something, then you have nothing to compare it with this one. I really liked how it opened up with the story – nice conflict and so many ways to go with. Plus, I liked the characters. The sidekicks there for example, when they change their tone (move from the drag act to reality) is fantastic and now I really want to hear it happen in real life. I just hope I won’t grin like nutcase if it happens. The scenes though – wow.  I now know what they mean with watersports… And there was one guy, Mitch Tedsoe – who is he? I so wanted him to be more.

Which  I didn’t like about this book though was how it solved the problems way too easily and from there on it was suddenly a smooth ride to the sunset. it might not look so for other readers, and I still read it through, for I liked the writer’s style, but a bit more turmoil would be good. Not in bedroom – outside. Maybe it’s just that gang wars don’t really count as conflicts to me anymore since that’s more like background music by now.

Hall’s book, however had just that – no outside turmoil and the way the younger guy talks, drove me NUTS! In half of the times, I felt it wasn’t a young man, but a teenage girl! The expressions, the body language – all told me I was reading a young girl instead of a boy, who was thinking of wooing an older guy. And that mulling one thing to death is horrid, yet so utterly English thing to do I was swoon to the floor and just marbled the beauty of a pure bread English talk, and thus several pages got turned without reading them at all. Before I went back and read them separately. I’m sick that way.

Yet there is something in that combo and their relationship that made me turn the page and keep reading and I don’t regret it one bit. The inner conflicts are built up perfectly in this book, together with promise for something on the next page, so I really liked it and I woke up in the morning still thinking about the two books.

Both are fabulous reads and worth taking your time. But if you are not into BDSM – don’t read them! No need to get agitated over them, because despite your preferences, they are still good.

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Business as usual

This month, to make myself more business oriented, because as an Indie author, one ought to, and I have tried to see myself as one, I went along and ordered myself business cards. That’s what they look like, except now they have nice black edges as well, but I figured if I photograph them before, they would actually stand out on the background.


Maybe it’s an overkill, and I’m sure there are those, who think getting myself pen name business cards is that, but after having to explain people, how my name is spelled and how my homepage is named and writing on pieces of papers to get the info on, I decided that this little investment is worth that money. I chose info that would not change easily, everything related to my business-ish style and just had them done.

The style might look weird on first glance, like why wood and so dark, but if you visit my homepage, you’ll see that this is the style design I am working with, and the symbol has become my representational image in a lot of other places.

I plan to use similar style for my books after I figure out some design system for them, especially for few series. I am very fond of Japanese book cover designs and appreciate a good design style on series, so I am currently working towards having some recognizable design that would stand out enough that people check it and see it and realize who it belongs to.

So over a half a year of dealing with my Indie author project, ha ha haaa, I realized yesterday, when the business cards arrived, that I actually have an icon for myself, a name, a physical representation, few books on my name and a homepage that updates regularly. And I am working on new titles as we speak.

I am actually a business woman. My writing has become my business. Scary, huh?

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Rainbow world!

I tested St. Petersburg’ watercolors today! More like, I got to the point that my 36 piece set is completed with 36 pans of paints. I have been using them for years, since I got my first set when I was… 16?

I finished that first set in a year. The second set of 16 colors unfortunately went off. They are natural paints, so it isn’t uncommon to see your paints mold away if left untouched and undried for few years. Most people I know then scrape off the mold and use them up. But sometimes the mold ruins the paint.

Anyway, long history short – last year I decided that it is utmost time to dig those babies up and give them another chance. Little thing grow, you know, and somehow it has gone from 16 I had previously to 36 I have now. All different, all vivid, and all so pretty that the picture below does them no honors. I seriously need a scanner again. Don’t know what happened to the last one, got lost while moving?

This guy exists, by the way. It’s a test I did from a real model, BlooDoveStock. Was fun, made me realize that I’m missing few tones from the set and that I still remember some things from those years. I guess I now need practice🙂.

But not tonight. I’m too tired.


tribal man.png

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My first story

You are allowed to laugh. You are allowed to read, just don’t laugh out too loud.

story for l6mmeleht.png

Today is my birthday and unfortunately I don’t have time to take for painting. But I hope this makes up to it.

I have probably already told you how it became to life. Which is pretty much the story, why I began with this crazy thing called writing in the first place. But so that the picture and the story are in the same place -> Continue reading

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So I think I am a fan…


I’ll be 31 in few days.

Guess what I got for my birthday?  Continue reading

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