Officially launching my homepage!

My homepage is here!

I am still working on adding the encyclopedia part as this is the thing that will take the most time, but everything else is finished – bios, contacts, decorative side, free reading. This blog will be here and will continue like always, but this will be my official page from now on to show off for business.

So without further due – clicking the button will take you to my now official homepage. Feel free to share it around!


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Story versus trivia fact

I had an interesting encounter today.

I have been writing a story called Devil’s Butterfly.

flashfridayEfren Wooldrige, a food service manager at a 3 star restaurant Le Petit Chef, is up for a nasty surprise, when he discovers that his mother, whom he hasn’t had any contact for 7 years,  has no problem selling him to his new stepbrother Steven Custer for acceptance for her marriage to his father. Served on a plate, hot. But hot food burns your tongue if one isn’t careful.

Steven Custer, a CEO of a large corporation, has no doubt his father loves his new bride. However, the past has taught him that it’s not always the bride one ought to be cautious about. There are always “new” family members, who see no problem swindling their way up using the new family connections. So with the new bride he decides to take the matters in his own hands and prevent the ugly past from repeating again.

So, I was talking about it with some people, whom I’ve known for a long time and they know I’m writing it, because, well, I have done it publicly since January. So, today I was telling them again the main problems, because I may be involved with it 24/7, but I don’t expect others to know my story problems by heart no matter how often we discuss them. And I mentioned that “he had a fall out with his boyfriend” and he looked at me with this incredulous stare and asked, so he is gay? I shrugged that yeah, he is, Efren is gay.

“So it’s that sort of story! Don’t you think you should have mentioned it earlier?”

It kind of floored me.

Let’s leave aside the “that sort of story”, because I really don’t want to discuss gay pride right now. AS the main focus of this story has never been about him being gay. Yes, the character’s mother and friend give him some hard time for it, and that plays role in his decision making, because it is to push him, but other than that it really has no status in the story. And yes, I haven’t mentioned it being a gay love story, because I didn’t think that mattered for the story itself is about a man trying to survive his own inevitable doom as his body is giving up on him! It’s about putting trust in those closest to you and trusting them about your problems! It’s a sort of urban fantasy with a twist!

AND THAT TWIST IS NOT HIM BEING GAY! It is completely unimportant trivia fact about his daily life! But the moment I mentioned it, that story no longer mattered! All the focus was me not mentioning he was gay. They kiss maybe twice (? I can’t remember straight at the moment), hug and sit next to each other. THAT IS IT! But no, it has no importance – the story doesn’t matter.

For that reason alone, for the fact how trivia the whole book became after I mentioned that one word makes me furious. It was exactly that why I didn’t want to put that tag on it. Because you read “gay romance urban mystery” and you expect what?

Honest to god, what do you expect?

I expect a romantic urban mystery with a couple of men. I don’t care if they get in bed or fight over a vacant place on their favorite sofa, but I want a mystery that holds water and perhaps has some urban fantasy elements in it. The relationship will be cherry on the top, but if everything else fails, sorry, no cake.

I’m confused right now. I thought it was decent enough story and people liked the idea of it, the mystery I was weaving and the characters, who are struggling for their lives.

Then what the hell? What does that change if he has a boyfriend? He is still dying, he is still fighting with his stepbrother and trying to keep his mom from acting on her threat! That hasn’t changed!





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Comparing books

Yesterday, I read two books – Tough Love (Special Delivery 3) by Heidi Cullinan and For Real by Alexis Hall.

Both books are about BDSM relationships, both have older guy with younger guy and the relationship isn’t purebred dandelions. I didn’t know they were on the same thing before I read them, because  the first I had since 2014 and it was just waiting around while Hall’s book I got only recently. Despite sharing the same topic, the books however are very different from each other, and that’s why I’m currently sitting here.

It wasn’t the general storylines that struck me, but the fact how easily you could tell which one was written in England and which one in US. I read and listen in big variety, from Australia to US and back and it has never come out so clearly to me before. Not just the expressions they use, for that is obvious, but the entire writing styles were completely home groomed it brought chills to my back. And in a good way. At some point I had to go back to let the brain absorb the story as well, because I was too taken checking the expressions out like free women on an bar isle.

Cullinan’s book has some seriously chilling scenes and isn’t for lighthearted read. You think you read a BDSM romance in style of 50 Shades of Gray and it was something, then you have nothing to compare it with this one. I really liked how it opened up with the story – nice conflict and so many ways to go with. Plus, I liked the characters. The sidekicks there for example, when they change their tone (move from the drag act to reality) is fantastic and now I really want to hear it happen in real life. I just hope I won’t grin like nutcase if it happens. The scenes though – wow.  I now know what they mean with watersports… And there was one guy, Mitch Tedsoe – who is he? I so wanted him to be more.

Which  I didn’t like about this book though was how it solved the problems way too easily and from there on it was suddenly a smooth ride to the sunset. it might not look so for other readers, and I still read it through, for I liked the writer’s style, but a bit more turmoil would be good. Not in bedroom – outside. Maybe it’s just that gang wars don’t really count as conflicts to me anymore since that’s more like background music by now.

Hall’s book, however had just that – no outside turmoil and the way the younger guy talks, drove me NUTS! In half of the times, I felt it wasn’t a young man, but a teenage girl! The expressions, the body language – all told me I was reading a young girl instead of a boy, who was thinking of wooing an older guy. And that mulling one thing to death is horrid, yet so utterly English thing to do I was swoon to the floor and just marbled the beauty of a pure bread English talk, and thus several pages got turned without reading them at all. Before I went back and read them separately. I’m sick that way.

Yet there is something in that combo and their relationship that made me turn the page and keep reading and I don’t regret it one bit. The inner conflicts are built up perfectly in this book, together with promise for something on the next page, so I really liked it and I woke up in the morning still thinking about the two books.

Both are fabulous reads and worth taking your time. But if you are not into BDSM – don’t read them! No need to get agitated over them, because despite your preferences, they are still good.

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Business as usual

This month, to make myself more business oriented, because as an Indie author, one ought to, and I have tried to see myself as one, I went along and ordered myself business cards. That’s what they look like, except now they have nice black edges as well, but I figured if I photograph them before, they would actually stand out on the background.


Maybe it’s an overkill, and I’m sure there are those, who think getting myself pen name business cards is that, but after having to explain people, how my name is spelled and how my homepage is named and writing on pieces of papers to get the info on, I decided that this little investment is worth that money. I chose info that would not change easily, everything related to my business-ish style and just had them done.

The style might look weird on first glance, like why wood and so dark, but if you visit my homepage, you’ll see that this is the style design I am working with, and the symbol has become my representational image in a lot of other places.

I plan to use similar style for my books after I figure out some design system for them, especially for few series. I am very fond of Japanese book cover designs and appreciate a good design style on series, so I am currently working towards having some recognizable design that would stand out enough that people check it and see it and realize who it belongs to.

So over a half a year of dealing with my Indie author project, ha ha haaa, I realized yesterday, when the business cards arrived, that I actually have an icon for myself, a name, a physical representation, few books on my name and a homepage that updates regularly. And I am working on new titles as we speak.

I am actually a business woman. My writing has become my business. Scary, huh?

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Rainbow world!

I tested St. Petersburg’ watercolors today! More like, I got to the point that my 36 piece set is completed with 36 pans of paints. I have been using them for years, since I got my first set when I was… 16?

I finished that first set in a year. The second set of 16 colors unfortunately went off. They are natural paints, so it isn’t uncommon to see your paints mold away if left untouched and undried for few years. Most people I know then scrape off the mold and use them up. But sometimes the mold ruins the paint.

Anyway, long history short – last year I decided that it is utmost time to dig those babies up and give them another chance. Little thing grow, you know, and somehow it has gone from 16 I had previously to 36 I have now. All different, all vivid, and all so pretty that the picture below does them no honors. I seriously need a scanner again. Don’t know what happened to the last one, got lost while moving?

This guy exists, by the way. It’s a test I did from a real model, BlooDoveStock. Was fun, made me realize that I’m missing few tones from the set and that I still remember some things from those years. I guess I now need practice🙂.

But not tonight. I’m too tired.


tribal man.png

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My first story

You are allowed to laugh. You are allowed to read, just don’t laugh out too loud.

story for l6mmeleht.png

Today is my birthday and unfortunately I don’t have time to take for painting. But I hope this makes up to it.

I have probably already told you how it became to life. Which is pretty much the story, why I began with this crazy thing called writing in the first place. But so that the picture and the story are in the same place -> Continue reading

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So I think I am a fan…


I’ll be 31 in few days.

Guess what I got for my birthday?  Continue reading

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Work space

I wanted to show off🙂

We all know that for a writer, their office, or wherever they work, is pretty much their temple. Same with me. One needs a GOOD feeling place to create monsters that take over the world. I just had my last piece of the puzzle put in place, so I’m very happy and exited to show it off.

2180485929007716668-account_id=0So, a bit about this tiny room. It is actually a half of a room. The big brown cupboard is actually the back of another small office space which is occupied by my brother. Yes, I am living at home right now and yes, we do share a room. I actually have a decent job, time for my writing and time to play with my dog. So, sue me. It’s down to practicality of life, times are hard enough.

Enough of the introduction – this is my office. Welcome! That Monopoly on the left side on the wall – I painted that some years ago. Worth that 3 months of mini brush work. Around it are artworks by my niece. You can’t see on the pictures, but her artwork is also on the other side of the office, on the wall, framed. In an easy reach, there is also the loupe, for we two are pair of curious people, so we need our main tool in fast reach.

9177896642838483138-account_id=0The second picture is closer up on my book shelves. I was very happy, when it turned out that all my books fitted in there just right, with only few places empty of fairy tale books that are now in niece’s collection.  In front of the books are the few things that I keep – the tea box is Idea Chest Game I once did for my writing group. Still plenty of pieces to go. The small chest next to it is my collection of story cubes. I need a next box for the new ones🙂.

As you can see, I have a collection of dolls around me. Might be, because I’m a bit of a kid in heart, but I’ve always kept some kind of tokens near me. They all have their place and reasons. Maybe I’ll tell you about them some time. Next to the Barbie is my writing mug. Sis got it for me from the last Hanseatic Days fair. It is usually full of coffee with milk and I absolutely love it!

3105966192191881356-account_id=0Yes, I do own a green chair on a yellow carpet I can pick on with my toes. I like colors. I can’t keep my toes in place when I sit, so somehow I’ve come to like those bathroom carpets with long bristles. On top left you can see Tobbie, my scull. He sits on top of a box made by my grandpa. LOVE it so much! I have a huge chest like that too.

The place has some hidden secrets too, like the tiny table where the keyboard is on – it comes out easily to make a full size table where I can paint. The cupboard beneath the table is where all my art supplies are.

I know it’s small. I don’t really care as what I need is right there. All the books for writing, the art supplies for painting, the printer, the computer. And privacy. It is the most private place in the house and for that, I am very, very happy for writing does not always want an audience.

That’s it. That’s my work station at the moment. It has childish features, and will get some of them more over time, but it has what I need as a writer – a chair, my notes and possibility to write until early hours of the morning without disturbing others. Perfect in every way🙂.



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Filed under Drama, elements of writing, kirjutamisest