I read my first actual lesbian novels

Some time back I realized that I have never actually taken up any, mostly because thanks to Amazon’s suggestion system, it never really offers me any and I’ve been comfy enough not to search outside what I currently read. So when the idea hit me that  do as you preach (I support reading in different genres to find good books without the inhibitions set by society that would make you usually stop from picking from one genre or another) and read different genres, I picked up few randomly:

Bridget Essex – Date Knight
As an introduction to lesbian romance, I am very happy I picked it. I seriously like her knights (and by now I have already gone through several of her books) and can’t wait for one particular side character’s personal story to come out soon. I wasn’t so into Holly though. I can understand the stereotypical vegan tea-loving, very feminine dress wearing unicorn gathering creature, but that did not make me like her much more. A bit too angelic perhaps? I mean, everybody immediately loved her and she was looking at everything through literal pink glasses. I think what I didn’t like about her was that she seriously felt naive. But it worked out nicely when she was paired up with her knight, so after a while it didn’t bother me at all.

It somewhat carried on into the rest of the book, where the ultimate bad guy were men. I think that’s what I didn’t like about the book that much – that she created the two sides of male and female and played them against each other. As much as I am a feminist, I do not like that in books, not if gays play the women to be the ultimate opponent nor when women play the men to be the ultimate opponent. Because they are not. As simple as that. Yes, feminism didn’t rise from nothing, but it’s not black and white, it’s often gray and murky and thus creating this opposition based on body parts while we are fighting our best to stop men using ours as an excuse while we use their body parts to set them apart and mark them as evil… I’m not sure I’m even making the right point here, but what I mean is that I don’t like it. Equality doesn’t work that way and if we want to be taken serious, we need to change the way we look at the world – not that we deal with person with specific sex organs, but that we are dealing with another human being. As long as we make a point to marginalize another based on our sexual organs, we will never see things differently.

However, that was not the problem with her knights. So if you wanna read a good up-beat story about medieval fantasy knights, who look gorgeous – I would know, I freaking went over the descriptions several times – then that would be my pick. Especially after I read the A Dark and Stormy Knight, because it’s Charaxus story and I loved how she was described in the Date Knight. I was ready to skip some of the Date Knight, but somehow I found myself reading it through from middle to the end without interruptions, so I think I got myself a new series to look forward to.

Plus it intrigued me enough to inspire a certain side project I’ll tell you more at some point.

Gail Carriger  – Romancing the Inventor
I understand this is simply a side story of a major series, but oh my heaven it was so sweet! It has been awhile since I read a steampunk, so I jumped on the chance and I wasn’t disappointed. The main character was totally to my liking, although I must admit her main problem being “I wish to be corrupted” sort of didn’t go on me that well. 

But that character, that inventor Genevieve – swoon! Absolutely adorable! I now wish Margot would dress like her too. Hmm, maybe I can make her a costume based on the descriptions?

I haven’t gotten to other of her books yet, but I liked what I saw so far.

Tan Jiu – Tamen De Gushi
I am big fan of Old Xian (19 Days), so when I thought about the books, I kept remembering some image from a while back. So I searched it out. If Old Xian has a couple, which sort of are and are not gay school boys (it’s called Shounen Ai, so no sex), then Tamen De Gushi (Shoujo Ai – no sex) is story of two school girls finding out what love between two girls can be like. Both are super funny and know how to make maximum on everyday situations, so totally worth the time to check them out.

I wasn’t sure I’d like lesbian stories that much. I must admit I picked them up with assumption that they are like gay stories and with them – you gotta dig quite deep to find the gold. I’m not familiar enough to know what the main themes are inside the genre, but if knights is one thing and the trans-dressing another, I think I might definitely find myself something to read :).


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I had plans

I was planning to make these posts here a regular occurrence, like I had them before. It has been quite busy and the plans have come and gone and I am still focused on stories rather telling the world that “hey! I just finished another day at work without seeing the Sun once!”.

In other words I’ve become the cleaning lady, who doesn’t clean at home, because she does it hell of a lot at work.

Maybe because I haven’t had much to complain about since all my frustration runs into my work? Sure, I do not like Trump, because the monkey is superb at keeping the entire world waiting which day we can declare the beginning of WW III, though I was kinda hoping World War Z was next. Seriously, can’t you do something about him? He is being played by other propaganda based governments like a puppet, because let’s be honest – the guy clearly can’t understand when he plays straight into hands of them and creates them that perfect opportunity others knew to keep away from them.  I would thank god that he is not my president, but with his ability of stupidity – he is danger to the whole world and I am still appalled how he took the office.

Yup, the rant over. I love you people, but I seriously don’t like your president.


Instead my focus has changed to two things – I have several book ideas to work on for the next year and imagine that – Nano is starting soon, so I am currently on lookout for something to peek my interest. Probably why I chose to write some interesting shorts lately, which I also hope to post soon.

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Regretting not having kids?

“So, do you regret not having kids?” A woman-not-named asks me after it comes out in conversation that I can’t have kids.
“Do you need a dictionary?”
She looks at me dumbfounded.
“I’d like to be one of those, who chose career over children or who are too old to have children, or even just say I don’t like kids, but as it turns out, can’t have means I do not have a choice! Can’t choose not having having kids if I CAN’T HAVE KIDS! I can’t regret a choice I didn’t have!”
Her response – stare, then mumbled. “You don’t have to be so rude about it!”
So  I made my best impression feigning shock. “Oh! I’m sorry, did I hurt your feelings?”

Might be a bitch move, but you have no idea how many times I’ve heard that bullshit of a sentence, so let me put this in perspective for you!


See the difference? So if you, mother of the year, try guilt tripping someone, who have no choice in the matter of having kids- FUCK YOU! They can be so jealous they could eat their own hair, but there is absolutely NOTHING they can do, if nature has not given them even the opportunity! So why in hell should they regret not having kids? What bullshit social stigma is this? You can’t have kids, so you should feel ashame for it? For what? Being me?

Will that jump-start their ovaries if they regretted it? Is it one of those deeply Christian things? You’re infertile, but hey! Pray to God and he’ll help you! Have a little news for you then – it doesn’t work that way and I can rip my heart out and it will still not change the facts.

Which brings me to another conversation from a forum – one particular “case” of Christian, who said it was punishment for my crimes. Well. What a peach. What crimes had I committed by the age of ten, I asked her? She went silent after a while and logged out. Thank god we have ocean between us, because… god, how do such people even exist?


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My plans of the future

Ok. It’s again one of those once a month posts, which may seem random compared to all the regular stuff I put up on the homepage.

First thing I’d like to remind myself of to be careful about – I have began skipping words as I write. Seemingly random words seem to be missing from the texts as I write, so I need to be vigilant to check for it before I post things.

Which takes me to the posting thing!


Ink blood cover  finished.png

I have three new stories coming up soon. One, which will begin only couple of weeks from now, is named Ink Blood (the link will be active starting 9th of August), which is story about Isabel Prichard, a mermaid, whose family has moved to dry land and who, after meeting another merman aside her own family for the first time of her life, decides to go back to see with him. Of course it’s not as simple as it sounds and soon after arrival she gets pulled into time-old fight with bigger forces than mere human, or merfolk in this case. I wanted to try out a new conflict type I have not written in yet and chose a random one and well, man versus nature has been an interesting study subject and I sincerely hope you’ll like it too.

guarding-the-hell-nano-iconSecond story Guarding The Hell will replace Bar Fight and will basically continue the story about ESNN-10 space station saga with new characters and conflicts. This time the focus will be on a welding team, who have been called in to help with expanding of the station, who get pulled into political game of chess after the young chief of the welders finds his mate among the security team.  It is again LGBT story 😉 and the first two chapters are already up in case you got curious.

Pet Snake v3.pngAnd the last one, the third story was meant at first to replace the Third Law, but as Ink Blood got finished first, it will be left for a later date and probably will be added as Monday story perhaps? I don’t know right now, but all I am sure of is that it is coming soon as well. It tells a story of Debra Colvin, who starts working for Terry Dalton, whom she’s been fighting against most of the earlier year to keep Terry away while his brother, Noah Dalton and her best friend, Gina Vaughn can make their relationship official (so cliché it hurts!), because turns out the reasons, why the Terry was so against his younger brother’s relationship wasn’t about the woman not being suitable. Instead, now that he has allowed them to be together, he has a larger mess he has to get out and he decides to use Debra, the woman, whose unbeknown actions caused him to change his mind and now clean up the mess.

Yup, I’ve been busy and I must say I like it that way.

Also, I am contemplating starting a small business, a service that I don’t see much competition around. Over the past five years I’ve been researching how to fix dolls, mostly out of necessity. But lately I’ve had people say that perhaps I should take it more seriously, because they’ve seen my work. So I figured, why not? It wouldn’t be full time, for that is on concrete, and I’m not contemplating putting up a monster business, for I must have time for writing. A doll spa sounds nice though – fix hair, clean up the dolls, make them clothes…? Well, I do like making the patterns for them and making new clothes and tinkering on small details, so what have I got to lose? Probably nothing. I began a site for what I’ve worked on though, if anyone is into 1/6 scale doll clothes.


And that’s all I’ve been doing lately – dolls, writing and concrete. Oh, and some random art pieces on my RPG characters. 🙂

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Barbie bodies

You know this new thing among Barbie lovers about how for decades Barbies came in one size and now there are many body types to choose from?

Have you ever tried to switch costumes between Barbies? I don’t mean the large cut stretchy stuff you get from shop, but something that is done from a rough materials? Anyone, who has had to make doll clothes for their children can tell you – not a single one of them, if bought year apart come with the same body measurements!

I switched my Barbie’s Pivotal to the new Made To Move body. Guess if any of the pretty dresses I made for the doll previously can be used on the new body? Not a single one of them! The only thing that did go on the doll was made for a larger Rapunzel doll and it’s not even Barbie.

So, all this talk about how they came in the same size is nothing but commercial trick. They’re more like mockery women feel at clothes shops – two women can’t put on the same dress so it would sit as it should despite being the same size.

I’m 30+ and having a naked doll crises. What a first world problem to have…

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Keys to protect yourself

self-defense-with-keysWe all have keys in our pockets. So I’d like to remind a simple trick for anyone, who feels unsafe out there in the world – your keys.

What prompt me to share this image, is reading yet another article, where the comments below express surprise over “insecurities of women” and how surprised they are people “actually do this”.

First – it has nothing to do about being a woman. Anyone, who feels threatened can use this quite easily and safety doesn’t care, who you are. Secondly – yes, we do use them like this, because times have changed and I rather risk scratching some potential harasser, who doesn’t take a no as an answer than shoot him dead and go to jail for it.

This was taught to me by a policeman when I was 9 years old (that is more than two decades back). Given, I had no keys back then, and I have no idea why he showed it to me, but I have never forgotten the lesson. When I was working with an ex-security man, he always asked me, why I would carry my keys in my pocket instead of my bag. Seems logical to put them deeper where thief has hard time getting them, right? Until I showed him, why, that I never let go of them in the first place.

I have been attacked before. Several times, even, but that’s the story of being human. So I can vouch on this method – it works. I always carried extra key or two along the rest of my necessity keys, because this way I had one key between my every knuckle. On both occasions the guys were too drunk and simply “joking” around. On both occasions I walked home at night after work and keys set in my pocket between my knuckles. Both cases ended up with them being scratched enough to pull back, giving me enough time to get to safety.  The last time I later realized I’d bent up my room key while doing it. I have never been happier to pay that fee to replace that key. It could have been me instead.

The point is – it is illegal in most parts of the world these days to carry a knife or fire arm. And even if you do – you can easily be sued, not to mention your own guilt over hurting another human being. I know that doesn’t make sense, but you will feel sick for being put in a situation, where you had to hurt someone. The keys help to support your hand as good as knuckles. Unless you want some bulky thing in your pocket – if you hold them right (for that – click on the image and it will take you to the self-defense site talking about this), they will save your life without having that senseless fear in the back of your mind if poking your attacker with a knife was a good idea or not.

Don’t be stupid! Use this, give yourself some protection!

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What next?

We lost our beloved dog on Friday and it is giving me mixed feelings. She was sixteen, but her health had gone downwards for quite some time, so I knew this was coming. I’m sad, but at the same time relieved that she isn’t suffering anymore. So as much as I keep thinking back that if she hadn’t had her epilepsy attacks four in a row when she hadn’t had any since beginning of this year, she would have pulled through this spell too, it kinda was clear this time she won’t make it. It was sunny day though, and she fell asleep in my lap.

So I have been keeping away from internet for a while, because after stating it, thank you all for your kind words, when I returned, I saw another ending coming soon. Turns out my story Rare Pearl is ending with this month, too. I have made it into my policy not to post anything that doesn’t have an ending, but still the ending managed to sneak by me without noticing.

I’m now split in two – I have the next Gargoyle series book ready to go through the editing and be set up on the homepage. Or I could post a short story which would lead to the book after the next book. How do they usually put those 0.5 books in between the main series? It is sort of a prologue, but no matter how I look at it, I do want to post it. I guess I’ll look into it and see how others have solved the question. It’s just odd, in lack of better term – the crossroad.

A lot of feeling this week-end. That’s all.

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